this is bernie

Tomorrow

 for Serviceplan

It’s a mystical place where all happiness lies. It’s also a cool wordmark.

Some Posters

 for Serviceplan

Made some posters with some patterns based on some branding elements. They work nicely solo and as a group. The client really really really hated them.

Book Spreads

 for Serviceplan

Some fun spreads I put together for a job recently.

The Grid

I don’t design a lot of books. But when I do, I go all in on some gangster grids.

Keynote fun

Made a couple of presentations. Had a couple of fun slides.

This site

 for bernie.fyi

It’s weird and meta to talk about this site on this site, but I can’t help myself because I’m actually kind of proud of it.

Everyone else is shit

The other creatives whose website I’ve seen are going for one-click bullshit powered by squarespace or behance or wix or whatever, based on absolutely bloated code and completely inflated markup. They’re resorting to bizarre Javascript tricks that are completely superfluous. They’re serving massive network payloads, no matter the visitors connection. They’re compressing their images badly - or not at all - and taking absolutely forever to load.

Don’t just take my word for it. Google PageSpeed Insights for instance routinely gave the handful of other websites I tested scores well below 40 (out of a possible 100). Most of them took over 5 seconds to show content and twice that to fully load and be interactive.

It’s complete madness out there! Party like it’s 1995 and web standards never happened. What the fuck are they thinking? Shame! Shame! Shame!

Fuck that noise

I may not be a web developer, but I’m not a fucking embarrassment like these other clowns. Which is why this site is different. I put some actual goddamn effort into it.

This site is amazing

At its core, this site is powered by the fantastic Jekyll, a static site generator. Static because static is fast as hell and a portfolio site really really really doesn’t need all sorts of dynamic programmatic functionality. It’s only a portfolio site. Chill the fuck out.

Speed, speed and more speed. While the other amateurs haven’t even loaded yet, you’ve already scrolled through my first page. That’s what I consider being respectful with my visitors time.

Because the site is static, there’s no need for any fancy shmancy server solutions that add overhead and slow things down. Fuck that. So instead of using a mediatemple (dv) server based in the States as I would have in the past, the site is hosted on an AWS S3 bucket in their Frankfurt region because most of my visitors will be from either Germany or somewhere in Europe.

Everyone matters though.

And because I care about all my visitors, the site is mirrored across the globe using the AWS Cloudfront content distribution network. This also lets me serve my pages via SSL because I care about your goddamn privacy. More than I can say for most of these other so-called websites.

git push origin master

I version manage and tweak the site locally using git, push it to github and that’s it. One goddamn command. No FTP Bullshit. No admin interface bullshit. No bullshit, period.

AWS CodePipeline is triggered by github and hands the latest commit to AWS CodeBuild which builds the site behind the scenes, pushes it to the S3 Bucket and does the necessary Cloudfront invalidations. Easy. And cheap as hell compared to the other clowns and their shitty shitty websites.

Can you feel that?

That’s what a website that regularly scores a 98-100 PageSpeed score feels like. That’s the difference appropriately sized and responsively served images make. That’s a website that respects that your mobile plan might have limited speeds or data allowances. That’s valid, clean and semantically correct markup making everyone else look even slower than they already are. They call themselves creatives. Fuck that noise.

I’m not even a web developer

This isn’t my job. But I went all-in and made a fucking effort. Now imagine the results when I’m actually in my element, doing what I’ve been perfecting for over a decade - concept, design and art direction. Enough said.

Our Philosophy

 for fun

Hey, it’s me. Your agency philosophy. Just wanted to let you know that I suck.

FUCK YOUR AGENCY

FUCK YOUR PHILOSOPHY

FUCK YOUR VALUES

FUCK YOU

So happy

 for Pahnke Markenmacherei

Worked on some very happy scripts for some very happy people eating some very happy foods. I won’t be showing you the final films because they’re just way too happy to handle.

HIGH ENERGY

 for fun

ALWAYS AT 110%

Slick motherfucking Screeeeeener

It's time

 for fun

Let’s go!

Telekom

 for Super Secret Agency

Made a sexy clickboard for a not so sexy script for a presentation. The client then went ahead and actually had the film made. And made it about 45 seconds too long. Oh yeah - the script still sucks, too.

It gets even more bizarre though. Because - for whatever reason - the film was remade. You decide if things got better…

Mr. Worldwide

 for fun

You should know… I’m kind of a big deal…